I'm Always Here
by NishaFox
Summary: Canonverse with storylines mixed. MC had a terrible day, nothing was going right. Things couldn't possibly get any worse, right? Absolutely wrong. Luckily, someone was always there to save the day.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, just a little note, but this MC is modeled after the MC I headcanon as my own, so her personality may be slightly different from what the community sees as normal. I also merged some of the story lines together for this one, so slight spoilers for 707's route. I hope you enjoy this nonetheless!**

* * *

Today was shit; a deal with a potential client fell through, you forgot your umbrella the one day it rained, and once again, your father had to cancel the dinner plans you'd had for months. All you wanted was to get a drink and relax. As you walked down the empty street to your boyfriend's apartment, you still didn't feel right calling it yours, you decided to open up the messenger and ask if anyone wanted to join you at your favorite bar.

MC has entered the chatroom.

Yoosung : Oh, hey MC! You haven't been on all day, how are you?

MC: Hello Yoosung. Yeah, I was a little busy today… I'm fine.

Yoosung : That's good to hear! Did you eat yet?

Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom.

MC: No… not yet. I was actually about to head out and was wondering if anyone wanted to join me?

Jaehee Kang: MC I hope you mean you're going out to get some dinner; you can't skip your meals. All the same, I wish I could, but I'm swamped with work tonight.

Yoosung : Me too, my guild mates and I are doing a special event in LOLOL tonight. You're not?

MC: Ah, yeah it slipped my mind, maybe later. Well, thanks anyways guys.

Yoosung : Sorry MC! I've gotta go, we're starting soon.

MC: Good luck.

Yoosung has left the chatroom.

Jaehee Kang: I apologize as well; we will have to plan something for later. Say hello to Zen for me when you get home, I must return to work.

MC: Will do Jaehee, don't overwork yourself.

Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom.

MC has left the chatroom.

"Well, that was a bust. Maybe Hyun will be free and we can make it a date night, that would be nice." Just as you log out of the chat room you reach the door and readjust your laptop bag to shuffle around for your keys.

You walk into the apartment quietly so as not to bother Zen if he happened to be rehearsing his lines and silently make your way towards the bedroom to check on him. You heard gruff noises become louder and louder as you approached, but halted once you heard something more feminine in the background. Your blood began to run cold, in the back of your mind you knew what those noises were, and you knew that he wasn't alone, but you still tried so hard to think of something, anything else it could be. You tentatively reached for the door, and with shaking hands, opened it just a crack.

Your whole world was turned upside down. You only looked for a fraction of a second but you knew what you saw. Mind a blank, you quietly shut the door and grabbed what few things of yours were laying around the living room, stuffing them into your bag as quickly as you could. You found a pad of sticky notes and wrote two simple notes. _I hope you enjoyed fucking my boyfriend,_ and _Goodbye Hyun._

You didn't look back, you were never coming back. You would have ran if you weren't being weighed down by your belongings, you couldn't help but thank yourself for never caring much for material things. Fingers and legs moved swiftly as your mind tried to comprehend what just happened, before you knew it, you were on a familiar street, near your favorite bar, and you already had your phone at your ear, listening to the soft rings.

"Hellooooo MC! What can the Defender of Justice do for you?" You felt some relief hearing the chipper voice on the other end of the line.

"Seven, come to the bar. Please." Your voice was far shakier than you intended it to be.

"Uh, what's wrong MC?"

"Don't ask," you choked on the bile rising in your throat, "just please. Everyone is busy and I don't think it's safe for me to be alone right now."

"Are you-" you cut the line before he could finish, walking inside and taking the nearest seat at the bar.

Seven had no clue what just happened as he blinked once, twice, three times at his phone. "Not safe to be alone? What's going on?"

He shook his head before swiftly tracking your phone's IP to figure out which bar you were at. This wasn't the time to be pointlessly questioning what was happening when you needed him, you'd tell him when you were ready, whether he wanted to know or not, that was just the kind of person you were.

It hardly took him any time to figure out your location, and he mentally slapped himself for not figuring it out on his own, it was one of the only places you ever went to that wasn't work related, and where you always ended up at the end of particularly bad days. He grabbed the closest set of keys he could find and made his way to the garage, yelling out, "Saeran! I'm going to meet with MC, I'll be back later!"

He faintly heard, "You're whipped, idiot brother." as he was closing the garage door.

"Two more shots of fireball, please." The bartender nodded to you and you turned your back to the bar to scan the crowd. You weren't nearly drunk enough for this, you were still thinking clearly, still so monumentally upset and just angry at everything, the sight of people enjoying themselves actually made you a little nauseous. You decided it was best to turn back and down your fourth shot of the night, more accurately, your fourth shot in 20 minutes, but you couldn't be bothered to care. The cinnamon whiskey burned your throat and you could feel a tear prickle at the corner of your eye. You were unsure whether it was from the whiskey or your emotions trying to creep up on you, so you combatted it by quickly shooting down the next shot and taking a deep breath.

The bartender eyed you warily, you weren't necessarily a regular, but he knew you well enough, and he knew this wasn't just a normal drink-to-forget-night. "Got something on your mind miss?"

You blinked up at him and plastered on the most sincere smile you could manage, though anyone could see right through it, "Yah, but it's nothin' I can't handle. It alright if I leave my bag here while I smoke?"

He nodded and smiled, "No problem, no one will touch it while you're gone."

You shuffled through your bag to find your emergency pack as you stood from your seat, finally beginning to feel tipsy. You took another deep breath and made your way out to the smoking area, it was drizzling again, nothing like earlier in the day though. You lit up and scanned the area around you, everything was so peaceful, the stars you could see were twinkling brightly, the street was calm as one of the lamps down the road flickered, and you could see a couple walking in the distance, attempting to share an umbrella. It all made you so angry, why was the world allowed to be so serene when everything you knew was so violently flipped upside down? How was this fair?!

"Why does it always fucking have to be me?!" You half shouted as you punched the wall next to you. You sat in silence for a moment, watching the slow burn of your cigarette in your other hand as you waited for the world to answer you.

But it didn't. Instead, you found a hand reaching out towards your fist, still connected with the wall. "Why does what always have to be you?" Your head turned slowly until you met familiar golden eyes, "What did the wall ever do to you?"

You snorted at his attempt at humor, "The wall just… looked too happy was all…"

Now it was his turn to snort, "I guess you're right. But you didn't answer my first question, MC."

As his eyes dug into you, you could see the concern hidden in them, and you wanted to tell him, but you just, couldn't. Not yet. "You're right. I didn't." you sighed as you put out your cigarette and made your way back inside with him in tow, "Just… just let me get my things… I need somewhere to crash tonight first, and I'd… really rather not talk around so many people…"

You could see his eyes soften when you got back to the bar, "God Seven always has a place for his partner in crime."

You let a small smile escape your lips as you turned once more to the bartender, pulling out your cash, "Two more shots please, and I'll be paying my tab."

The man stopped for a second, eyeing you and your companion, you could see the hesitation in his eyes at your request. "He's a friend, I've got a ride, and I won't be going anywhere alone."

"Alright miss, I'll get that right out for you."

"Why two?"

You were a little confused at Seven's question, but waited to answer him until after downing the first of the two shots that had been placed in front of you. "Because," you hastily picked up the second, the burn from the first still stuck in your throat, and took a deep breath, "Seven's supposed to be a lucky number right? I need all the damn luck I can get... Cheers."

You shook your head and grabbed your things, slinging your laptop bag over your shoulder, stumbling a little at the additional weight. "Can we go before I punch something else?"

He blinked and smiled, "Yeah, sorry, let's go before you take it out on something less stable than a wall."

The ride to Seven's place was sufficiently awkward. The poor boy didn't exactly know what to do in situations like this, and he didn't want to pry. The best he could think to do was lend you his headphones. You hugged the headphones before putting them on and quickly blocked out the world.

Now there was silence, well relatively at least. No one spoke, the rain had only picked up, Seven fidgeted and tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally looking over at you when a particularly loud part of the current song you were listening to had begun, and you just sat there staring off at nothing.

He sighed, he knew how much you must have been hurting to be so silent, you were never this silent. It gave him chills imagining what could have happened, and he found himself wishing he could hack into your brain. It had to be bad to break you like this.

You didn't speak again until you had your things settled next to the couch at Seven's place. He kept insisting that you could take his room, even Saeran offered to let you have his if it would make you more comfortable, but you simply stared ahead and sat down firmly on the couch, unwilling to move. You carefully removed the headphones from your ears once they gave up, Saeran settling across the room, not wanting to intrude but also interested in hearing what happened, and Seven plopping down right next to you on the couch, facing you.

"Tell me something first," you looked down and closed your eyes, fighting off the sting that was forming behind them, "how much pain is a person expected to endure before they're finally allowed to be happy?"

You waited in silence, you knew better than most that neither of these boys could answer that question. You spoke up again, "Why is it fair?" Your eyes were beginning to feel wet and you couldn't stop your voice from cracking, "Why is it fair that once we finally think we've found happiness, it gets ripped right out from under us?! Why do bad things keep happening to the people that try their hardest to be positive?! Why can't I just fucking be happy for once?!"

Tears were freely rolling down your face now, and you felt Seven's warm hands turning you to face him as you opened your eyes. "It's not fair, but MC, you don't have to hurt alone, I promise you don't. Remember, you can always yell 'Defender of Justice Seven Zero Seven, help me!', there's a 99.9% chance I'll be there."

You couldn't help but choke out a pained chuckle at that, "I know…" leaning your face on his shoulder, he tensed slightly, but quickly relaxed, "You're one of the only people I know that would never stab me in the back."

The room once again sat in a small silence, with him somewhat awkwardly patting your back as you mentally prepared yourself to tell him the heart of the problem, attempting to regulate your breathing once more, but catching your breath hitching.

"Saeyoung," you lifted your head and looked into his confused eyes, you hardly ever used his real name, "promise me right now that you will not use your hacking for evil."

Now he looked even more confused, "MC, what does that have to do with-"

"I said promise me Saeyoung!" you nearly screamed at him, tears still rolling down your cheeks. You refused to let him ruin another person's life just because you weren't enough for them.

He simply stared at you for a moment, you could see in his eyes that he was trying to understand why you would ask him something like this. "… Okay MC, I promise."

Your head was spinning now and you swayed just a little in your spot, all this crying and screaming was not good for you when you were this drunk, but you knew you wouldn't have had the courage to say anything without it. "Hyun… ZEN… he…" your voice was growing weaker by the second now, and the most you could usher out was a fragile, broken cry, "I saw him screwing another girl today."

The floodgates broke open, you couldn't stop the heart wrenching sobs that wracked through your chest as you folded over yourself, you couldn't be strong anymore. "I'm not… I'm not good enough! I don't deserve… to be happy!" It was all you could manage to get out anymore, and you were like a broken record on repeat.

The room was tense as the two boys stared at you in shock, neither of them really knowing what to do. Comforting someone who was crying was one thing, but this all out sobbing was something else entirely, and it made their chests ache for you. Seven looked to his brother, who had suddenly shot up and was beginning to make his way to his room, when he heard him say, "Don't just sit there, help her you idiot."

You were out of it, completely oblivious to anything around you at this point, your sobs seemed to shake your whole body, you could practically hear the blood rushing and pulsing through your veins, and you had begun hyperventilating. You didn't notice that you had been moved until you felt the fabric of a shirt beneath your fingertips, quickly grasping handfuls of it as if your life depended on it. You felt yourself being slowly rocked in someone's lap and you started to hear them whispering in your ear, "You are good enough, you're too good for this world and you deserve all the happiness it can give you."

You stayed like that for a long time, and even after you had stopped hyperventilating and your sobs had devolved into hiccups, neither of you made a move to leave. "Seven… why does this keep happening to me?"

He held you closer, placing a hand gently on the back of your head, "I don't know MC, but I promise I'm not going to let it happen again. Not as long as I'm alive."

You hiccupped into his chest and nodded, "Okay…"

The room was quiet and somewhat peaceful until you started hearing your phone buzzing nonstop in your bag. You instinctually went to reach for it but halted when you realized it was the messenger. You didn't want to know if it was him, you didn't want to talk to him right now, or anytime soon for that matter. Seven caught your hesitation and grabbed your phone for you, putting it on silent and placing it next to him before checking his own phone, looking to you for confirmation that it was okay. You simply nodded and couldn't help but look as he signed into the messenger.

3 missed calls. 9 new text messages. 2 new chats have been opened.

He quickly scrolled through your chat from earlier, scoffing when he read the part about you saying hello to Zen when you got home. He then opened up the newest chatroom.

707 has entered the chatroom.

ZEN: Seven! I need you to track down MC for me, she hasn't been answering her phone for the past 2 hours!

707: No.

ZEN: What?! Why?! Something could have happened to her!

707: Something already did. You should know about that.

ZEN: I have no idea what you're talking about..!

707: Cut the crap. Leave her alone for now.

ZEN: You don't even know anything! She's my girlfriend, not yours.

MC has entered the chatroom.

ZEN: MC! Where are you?! Come home princess, please!

MC: Not anymore. I have already said all I needed to you.

MC has left the chatroom.

ZEN: What? Come back!

707: I told you, just leave her alone. She's fine.

707 has left the chatroom.

You had chucked your phone across the room and he held you close as he quickly scrolled through his calls and texts to get rid of the notifications, though one text caught your eye and you took his phone before he could close out of the app. He gazed at you, not sure if he should take it back or not and you simply held a finger up to him as you opened Zen's profile.

You actually let out a short chuckle, although it sounded a little broken, and handed him back his phone. His background and picture had been changed to collages of cats and some of his worst photos, and his status now read as _I'm Hyun Ryu and I'm the biggest moron on the planet._

"I thought I made you promise not to use your hacking for evil, Saeyoung."

He threw his hands up in defense, "I promise I didn't! How would I have even been able to, I've been here the whole time? Wait… Saeran you didn't!?" He had raised his voice at the end and recognition hit you as you heard the quiet steps coming from Saeran's room.

The younger twin entered the room with a small smirk, "She didn't make me promise anything, brother."

You spoke up as Seven was about to retaliate, looking to Saeran with pleading eyes, "Please tell me that's all you did…"

He rolled his eyes and avoided yours, "Well I couldn't just do nothing, but I also don't want you to kill me. So yeah, that was all I did." You heard him mumbling at the end and barely caught him saying that he didn't want to see you suffer anymore when you did so much for him and his brother.

You wanted to get up and hug him, but you knew he was still uncomfortable with physical contact, and that neither you nor Seven were going to let go anytime soon, so you simply gave him the most sincere smile you could. "Thank you, Saeran. I don't agree with it, but I appreciate it."

He waved you off as he made his way back to his room, "You're welcome I guess."

You turned your attention back to Seven now, "I'm really sorry for dumping my problems on you…"

He tilted your chin up and looked you dead in the eyes, "Stop that. You have nothing to apologize for. What kind of god would I be if I let you deal with this alone?"

You giggled and let a tear fall down your cheek, "A really shitty one… Thank you, Seven." You let your head fall onto his chest once again, not moving the rest of the night as you fell asleep on him.

Seven awoke very confused, to say the least. You were still very much cuddled up on his chest and lap, he remembered you falling asleep, but he didn't remember when he did. He decided it was best not to worry about it and instead looked down to see if he had woken you up. You were thoroughly knocked out, though he did notice that you had fresh tears on your cheeks as he did his best to gently wipe them away without startling you.

He spent a good 15 minutes maneuvering you off of him and back onto the couch, stopping every time you made any type of movement, but you didn't wake up. He rubbed his eyes as he made his way to the kitchen, his brain plagued with thoughts of the previous night. He really wished he could have made all this disappear, he loved you, but all he wanted was for you to be happy. "Ugh! What can I even do?"

"Well for one thing you can let her stay here and get her things from that asshole's house, idiot." Seven was a little startled when he found his brother already up and seemingly making breakfast.

"Already planning on that. It looks like she only has one of her laptops with her; don't think she really had time to grab anything else. I don't know what else to do though… and are you making breakfast?" He took a seat at the table and put his head in his hands.

"Obviously." There was a pause as the brothers were lost in their own thoughts.

"Hey… Thanks. I don't think I would have been able to stop at just fucking with his profile. I honestly want to punch him for doing that to MC."

Saeran turned off the stove and finished serving whatever food he had made, three full plates worth. "Maybe you should. Better yet, let her. If you ask me, he deserves worse."

"I'm not sure he'd be recognizable if she did… and she probably doesn't want anything to happen to him. Stubborn woman."

The younger twin simply nodded as he looked at his brother before leaving the kitchen with his own plate of food, "Yeah. Well you should wake her up before the food gets wasted."

Seven removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes once more before heading back over to the couch to wake you. "MC! Wake up, the grumpy one made food!"

He tried to convince you not to come with him, and as much as you didn't ever want to go back, you didn't necessarily trust him not to start a scene… and you had a key. You decided to knock first, just in case he was home, but after a few moments, you unlocked the door and let the two of you in. The house was empty and you let out a breath you didn't know you had been holding.

"So what are we getting?" Seven looked to you, his hands in his pockets and looking more than a little uncomfortable.

"All I have left are the rest of my clothes and my gaming laptops." You answered as you made your way to the bedroom, though you stopped abruptly in front of the door, causing Seven to bump into you.

"You okay?"

You looked back at your friend and tried to smile, "Yah… just peachy." Turning back to the door, you reached for the knob and turned it slowly, your heartrate and breath were slowed so much you felt yourself going lightheaded until the door was wide open and you saw no one inside. You took a second to breathe before walking in and speaking again, "Grab my laptops over on the desk while I search for my backpack, would you?"

"God Seven's on the case, I'll save your technology!" He did a dopey little salute as he walked over to collect your things and you couldn't help but giggle.

It took little more than ten minutes for the two of you to pack up what was left of your things, both of you cracking terrible jokes all the while to ease the tension. You were just about to leave when you heard the front door open.

Panic set in and for some reason you couldn't figure out how feet worked anymore as you looked to Seven for help. You were floored, and as steps drew nearer, you began to hyperventilate. Seven was beside you and attempting to grab your hand to calm you down and lead you out when you saw him in the bedroom doorway, blocking your only exit.

Zen looked worn down and tired, probably nursing a hangover if you had to guess. His face brightened when he saw you, "Princess!" he grabbed your arm and tried to pull you towards him, "You're back home! Can we please talk?"

You attempted to yank your arm away, but his grip was getting tighter, more desperate, "There's nothing to talk about Zen. I just came to get the rest of my things… I'm sorry; you can have your key back."

"What? I don't want it back, I only want you back! Please, princess."

His grip was so tight now that you could feel small bruises forming, "Zen, please, let go. It hurts!"

He had a pained look in his eyes as Seven ripped his hand off your arm and pushed Zen just enough to start leading you towards the exit. You could almost hear something snap in him as Seven was grabbed by the shoulders and yanked away from you. He was almost growling now, "Why don't you just stay out of this Seven? This is none of your business!"

Seven quickly grew cold; his eyes alone looked like they could kill as he stared Zen down. "This is my business, Zen. You made it my business when you hurt MC. She doesn't want to be here, and I suggest you let us leave. Now."

Zen was fuming, "Who do you think you are? I love her! All I want to do is talk and you're not even letting her do that? What do you know about what she wants anyway?!"

Crack! You hardly blinked and Seven's fist was firmly connected to Zen's face, the former speaking in a tone that wasn't quite yelling, but sent chills down your spine nonetheless, "You're not the only one who loves her! But apparently all that time you spent loving her was only wasted on yourself!"

Zen wiped the blood from his lip and glared, "You think you'd be better for her? Is that what this is?"

Before Seven could reply you hastily grabbed his hand and put yourself in front of him, "Zen just stop! This isn't about who's better! You destroyed whatever trust I had with you. We're done here, and I'm leaving." You don't know where this confidence came from, but as you pulled Seven back to his car and left your key behind, you felt a little more whole.

Neither one of you spoke again until you were back at Seven's place. The air was still tense around him, and you weren't exactly sure what to say, but you dropped your things and hugged him. He didn't immediately return the hug, instead tensing up in your arms as you hugged him tighter. "Thank you Seven, for being there… For always being there."

He still wasn't hugging you back, but he did relax a little, "Don't thank me MC. I'm sorry for making things harder for you… If you want to stay with Jaehee or someone else-"

You shushed him, "No. I'm going to stay. You've always been there for me, and I'm going to be here. I just need time okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now hug me back you idiot."

"Yes ma'am." You both snorted as he finally returned your hug.


	2. Chapter 2

**~Trigger Warning~ This chapter has depressive/suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt.  
**

* * *

 _Snap_. It had been a week since the incident, one full week since you found him in bed with another woman. _Snap_. No one else in the RFA knew anything, aside from Seven, Saeran, and Zen himself. _Snap._ You had decided it would be better if everyone was kept in the dark, for your sake, his sake, and the rest of the RFA's sake. You couldn't bear to be the reason for animosity within the group. _Snap._ It was better this way, right? _Snap._

You sat in relative silence on the floor of the living room as you stared aimlessly at your laptop, the only sound being the light snap of the rubber band on your wrist. You hadn't done any work in a week; you needed to finish up maintenance on multiple websites for clients. This was important, more important than your petty drama, at least that's what you tried telling yourself. Focus was near impossible; it was surprising enough that you had managed to get your laptop out at all when you'd done little more than stare at the ceiling for the past seven days.

You flinched as someone clearing their throat caught your attention, "So, uh, is the rubber band… helping?"

Your eyes met Saeran's as he looked at you with slight concern, "Oh," your fingers kept snapping the thin rubber unconsciously, "yeah. It's helped… a little. I just can't really focus."

He nodded slightly as he took a seat next to you on the floor, turning his attention to your computer, the code for one of your client's sites sitting untouched in front of you. "Have you finished?"

"Well… no. This is as far as I got. I feel like my brain is in overdrive but still… empty at the same time."

"Yeah, I get that. Umm, would you, like some help?" He mumbled out the end of his question, turning his head away slightly.

"I couldn't ask that of you… Besides, it's just cleaning up some sloppy code on my part; it's not that big a deal."

His hands were on the keys before you could protest further, "That wasn't exactly a question… I'd like to help, as long as that's alright. This doesn't look like much needs to be changed anyway. Besides, my idiot brother hasn't left his computer in over a day and he doesn't listen to me…"

You caught his pleading side glance as he began working through the code, his hands moving swiftly over the keys as you moved to stand. "I hadn't noticed… Alright, I'll go check on him."

Your feet moved mechanically as you walked to the door of Seven's computer room, you knocked lightly and waited for a response on the other side. After a minute of waiting, you silently opened the door and made your way through the dark room towards the blaring wall of monitors. "Seven." No response, "Seven, hey, how long have you been in here?"

He flinched at your light tap on his shoulder, motioning for him to take off his headphones as his eyes unglued themselves from one of the bright screens, "Huh? Do you need something?"

You sighed as you realized he hadn't heard you, though you could empathize with getting lost in code. "I was wondering how long you've been in here. Saeran's getting worried. Have you eaten anything?"

He motioned towards the empty bags of Honey Buddha chips lying around his desk, "I've been eating. It hasn't been that long, maybe 30 hours?"

You glanced at his monitors, seeing that he had multiple projects open, though it looked as though he was at a good stopping point on all of them, before gently grabbing his arm to lead him away. "Come on, you need some real food and then you need to sleep. I haven't eaten yet today either, we'll find something together okay?"

He grumbled slightly, but let you pull him out of his chair, glancing at your wrist as you let go and began snapping again. "Alright, fine, I guess I can take a small break, but I can't afford to sleep, I'm nearly done."

He grabbed your free hand mid snap, startling you as you walked towards the kitchen. "Saeyoung Choi, if you don't get at least three hours of sleep I am going to sic Saeran on you."

You both chuckled as you crossed the living room, hearing a brief snort coming from said brother, still swiftly typing away. "Okay, okay, you got me! God Seven wouldn't dare face the wrath of his dear brother AND his partner in crime at once! But only three, and then I really need to get everything done."

You conceded, attempting to free your hand from his grasp as you reached for the fridge door, "Alright, but Seven, I need my hand to grab the food."

His gaze shifted to your wrist, red from your constant snapping, before reluctantly letting you go. "Right. Uh, so what are we having?"

You scanned the fridge's contents, blissfully unaware of his gaze glued to your wrist, "I think there are leftovers from my dinner last night. Should be enough for both of us… I didn't eat much."

You watched in silence as Seven scarfed down the leftovers, having picked at your own already. You ate enough to waive off the hunger that ate at your stomach, but you had reached a point where eating made you nauseous more than anything. Handing your plate to Seven, he eyed you warily as you sighed and placed it next to his own, "You have the rest, you look like you were starving with the way you're eating."

He stopped to meet your eyes, "You hardly touched it, you need to eat too."

Your eyes shifted to the wall next to you, unable to keep his gaze, "It's fine, I ate what I could. I'm just not feeling too well… I'll eat something else later."

He hesitated as his eyes went from you to the plate now before him, his brain working a thousand miles a minute, "If I have to sleep, you have to promise to eat later then, okay?"

"Yeah," you left your chair and turned to return to your computer to check on Saeran, "I will. Promise. Eat all you want and get some sleep."

He watched your retreating form in silence, not missing your hand moving to your wrist once again, and went back to his food.

Saeran averted his gaze from your laptop as you sat next to him, "He's going to get some sleep, right?"

"Yeah," you smiled lightly as your eyes found their way to the current line of code he was on, "three hours. If he doesn't, I will personally hide every single bag of Honey Buddha chips and can of PhD Pepper in this house until he does."

Saeran smirked, "Vindictive woman."

You met his smirk with your own while drawing attention back to the laptop, "Only when necessary. So you're almost done? I can take over; I think I can focus now."

Always snapping, and Saeran, much like his brother, did not miss the redness of your wrist, but elected to ignore it for the time being, "It's fine, there's only twenty lines left. There was hardly anything to change. Can't believe some idiot was worried enough about it to make you change anything."

"Well my clients pay top dollar for this, I'm nowhere near the best, but that's what they pay me for."

He scoffed and began typing again, you scanning carefully as he continued, "I guess."

Three hours had passed. Saeran finished editing and you had submitted it. You were now sitting alone, idly eating chips as the sounds from whatever was on the TV played in the background. You couldn't make out a single word, the thoughts in your head blocking out everything. This was fine, right? _No. Nothing is alright, you're a mess and you're only burdening them. You couldn't even do your own work._

You hadn't noticed Seven standing next to you until he stuck his face right in front of you, "I said to eat, not be like me and only eat chips all day."

You blinked your eyes as they adjusted to the sight of him, your hand stopping midway to your mouth, "Well hey, only those who are stupid, lost, or have no will to live eat snacks all day, right?"

The dark chuckle that left your mouth surprised you both as Seven's eyes darkened and his hands clamped onto your wrists, "MC, don't talk like that. If something's wrong you can talk to me. I told you I'm always here, right?"

He saw your eyes flash with fear before you blinked and plastered on a smile, "I'm fine Seven, it was only a joke. I know you're here for me, nothing's wrong."

The two of you stared at each other in silence, you trying to suppress the fear of him asking any more questions, and him searching your eyes for any hint that you might want to talk. After what felt like forever, he gave up, causing you to mentally sigh in relief as he slowly let go of your wrists and backed away. "Okay, I'll believe you, but please don't hesitate to talk to me if you need to…" He snatched the bag of chips away from you with a smile and made his way to the computer room, "The Defender of Justice must return to his work!"

You waited to hear the click of his door before falling back on the couch. You knew he didn't believe you, he knew you too well for that, but he didn't push, he never pushed. You began counting the bumps on the ceiling, snapping with each labored breath you took. This couldn't go on much longer, Seven knew you still weren't alright, even Saeran knew, and that killed you. How long could you keep doing this to them? How long before they got tired of you? How long before their kindness ran out? _They have more important things to be worrying about than you, you can't count on their pity forever._

Seven stretched as he walked into the living room, having finished all his current work, making a beeline for the couch to watch his favorite show, "Mister Chef". He half expected you to be working, so he was surprised to see you had fallen asleep. As he got closer, he gently picked up your feet and put them on his lap as he took a seat, quickly changing the channel. He didn't expect to see tears streaming down your unconscious face though, tenderly wiping them away before turning back to the TV, not wanting to wake you.

You woke with a start, heart pounding and breath hitching as you clutched your chest. You had only been dreaming, but you couldn't shake the feeling of dread as you attempted to slow your breathing, ultimately unsuccessful and unaware of your surroundings. Hands clutched your shoulders, and you could feel the tight grip on you, but you couldn't see, couldn't breathe, everything was fuzzy.

Seven began to panic as he gripped your shoulders, trying to figure out the best course of action. He knew this was a panic attack, having had a few of his own and helping his brother through a few, but everyone was different, he had no clue how to help you. "MC! MC, please listen to me okay? I'm right here, I'm with you. I will help you however I can, please, is there anything you need? Can you tell me?"

You hardly even heard him between your gasping breaths, but you managed to force out a short reply, "Steam."

"Steam? Okay. I'm going to carry you now alright?" You did your best to nod as he picked you up bridal style and headed towards the bathroom.

He sat you down in the corner next to the tub after hastily throwing down some towels for you to sit on. He made quick work of turning on the shower and cranking it up as high as it could go before taking your hands, "MC, is there anything else you need?"

You shook your head, though you couldn't tell if it was visible as you felt your whole body shaking, "N-no."

He sat down right in front of you, though far enough away to give you some space while keeping your hands firmly in his. "Alright. Just stay with me then, okay? I promise you'll get through this, it will pass, and everything will be okay."

He had you breathe with him until the bathroom was full of steam. Once you had begun breathing more normally he had you touch the things around you, asking you to tell him what they were, constantly reassuring you that it was okay and that he was there for you. This went on for twenty minutes until you felt you could finally breathe again and were sure you were safe.

You breathed in deep and leaned forward until your forehead was resting on his shoulder, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Seven…"

He traced circles on the tops of your hands and scooted a little closer so you wouldn't fall over, "You have nothing to apologize for, MC. It's okay. You're here and you're safe and that's all that matters."

"I-I haven't had one of those in months. I don't… I'm sorry, for making you deal with all of my shit. You don't have to."

You felt him squeeze your palms as he shook his head, "I don't care if I don't have to, MC, I want to. I promised that you don't have to hurt alone, didn't I? I'm here for you 606."

You felt your lips twitch up slightly as you exhaled, "Yeah… I know." _But for how long?_

 _Snap._ Two more weeks passed. _Snap._ You had managed to get the rest of your work done, slowly but surely, but nothing changed. _Snap._ In fact, it seemed like things just kept getting worse. _Snap._ You hardly ate, you logged into the messenger a total of two times since that night, and your panic attacks seemed to come back at you with full force every other night. _Snap._ Things could still get better, right? _Snap._

You were tired, so, so tired. It felt like ages since the last time you had gotten more than a few hours of sleep at a time, and it was wearing you out. You awoke on the couch to the sounds of voices in the kitchen and made your way over. There was one more voice than usual, and you found it to be Yoosung's as you stood next to the doorway, just out of sight.

"Is she really okay? She hardly logs into the messenger anymore and I haven't seen her in LOLOL for weeks." The younger boy's voice sounded concerned.

"I forgot that she played." That was Saeran, the same monotone he had when he didn't want to talk.

"She used to be number three on the server! She's dropped down a lot, but I thought she liked the game. Seven, are you sure everything's okay? You've read the messages; it's not just me who's worried!" Yoosung was pleading now.

You heard a sigh escape from Seven before he started speaking, "She's just busy, like I told you, she has a lot going on…"

"Seven, I thought we were all done with secrets. Don't lie to me! Everyone is worried and this isn't normal!"

You couldn't bear to hear anymore, quickly grabbing your phone and leaving, sneaking out of the house as quietly as you could. This wasn't fine. You hated making people worry about you, and it seemed to you like that's all anyone was doing anymore. This couldn't continue.

The room was tense as the three boys stared at the floor. They had been arguing about this since Yoosung got there, and Seven was tired of it. He was thankful to his brother for keeping Yoosung fairly calm, but the guilt of a secret that wasn't his to tell was eating him alive. He wanted to tell him what Zen did, how it broke you, how you hadn't been eating, how you stared off at nothing most of the day, and how you were losing sleep because of the panic attacks, but he couldn't. You hated when people worried about you, you liked dealing with things on your own and not burdening others with your problems. Regardless of the fact that he knew no one in the RFA would ever feel burdened, he respected your wishes.

They were all broken out of their silence as the familiar notification of the messenger rung out from all three of their phones. Yoosung was the first to check, "Wait, she's in the messenger? I thought she was asleep."

This piqued everyone's interest as Saeran walked to the doorway to see that you were no longer on the couch, "Well she's not anymore."

All three quickly opened the chat.

Yoosung has entered the chatroom.

Saeran has entered the chatroom.

707 has entered the chatroom.

Yoosung: MC!

707: MC where are you?

Saeran: You're not on the couch…

MC: I'm not. I just came here to say some things.

Jaehee Kang has entered the chatroom.

Jaehee Kang: MC, it's good to see you.

MC: Jaehee…

Jaehee Kang: Yes MC?

MC: I just wanted to say that you are a beautiful person and I truly hope that you find happiness in your life again.

Jaehee Kang: I… thank you. What brought this on MC?

MC: Please tell Jumin to say hello to Elizabeth for me, and that I hope he reaches out to people and expresses his emotions more.

Jaehee Kang: Okay… I will tell Mr. Han.

Yoosung: MC, what's all this about?

MC: Yoosung. I want to thank you for always being kind, please never stop supporting Saeyoung and Saeran and everyone in the RFA. You have a beautiful future ahead of you if you just apply yourself.

707: MC, I searched the whole house and you're not here, where did you go?!

MC: Saeran, thank you for helping me out. You have come so far and I am so happy for you, please don't stop moving forward, I know it makes Saeyoung happy.

Saeran: Uh…

Yoosung: MC, why aren't you responding to us?

MC: Someone please tell Zen that I hope his career only continues to soar and that I wish nothing but the best for him.

707: If you don't answer I'm going to track you down!

MC: Saeyoung… Luciel… Seven… I'm sorry. Thank you for everything. Thank you for always being there for me.

MC: Goodbye.

MC has left the chatroom.

Yoosung: MC!

Jaehee Kang: This is troubling…

Saeran: Crap.

707 has left the chatroom.

Saeran has left the chatroom.

Yoosung: I don't know what's going on but they just started walking really fast, I'm going to follow them.

Jaehee Kang: Please inform me if something is wrong.

Yoosung has left the chatroom.

Seven was running to his computer faster than he thought possible, Saeran and Yoosung not far behind. This was not okay. His only thought was finding you as fast as possible. "I knew I should have put a tracker on her…"

He booted up his computers and immediately went to work tracking down your phone's IP, once again. Yoosung was asking questions a mile a minute, but Seven didn't hear any of it. "What's going on? Why was she saying all that stuff? Is she leaving the RFA?"

Saeran was the one to answer as Seven bolted out of his chair towards the garage and they followed closely behind, "Yoosung, think about it for a second. None of her things are gone; she left without saying anything, if she were just leaving the RFA, would she really leave all of her things behind?"

The tension could be cut with a butter knife as they piled into the car and Seven input coordinates into the GPS. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Why didn't I put a tracker on her?!"

You stared at your phone, tears streaming down your face as you chucked it over the bridge, "I'm so sorry… Everyone, please just be happy…" You waited to see the phone submerged in the water below before climbing over the rail yourself. Standing between the metal slats and holding onto the railing behind you, you looked down at the water and took a deep breath. It would be better this way, it had to be.

You weren't sure how long you stood there, staring at the water, but you knew you were ready when your fingers began loosening their grip on the railing without your telling them to. You closed your eyes and leaned forward, "I'm sorry…"

The world went blank. One moment you were falling, the next you were pulled back over the railing, and now you were being crushed in an embrace by desperate arms. You couldn't tell if your eyes were simply clenched shut, or if everything around you went dark, but you could feel the body holding you shaking as choked sobs wracked through their body.

"W-why?" The voice was familiar, the one thing you could recognize in the void that was your world, and you tried to pinpoint it, tried to follow it back to reality, but you couldn't speak, couldn't see. "Why would you try to throw your life away?! MC… MC, I can't live in a world without you… why would you…"

"I-" your eyes began to focus on the form around you, your mouth moving on its own, "I can't do this anymore… I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep telling myself that everything will be okay. It's not okay…" all you could see was Seven, shaking and crying on your shoulder, his arms desperate to keep you there, as if he would break the second he let go, and you fell against him. "I'm not okay… I'm an inconvenience, a burden to everyone I meet. Just… just be happy without me… please… I can't…"

"I can't…" his voice was quivering, the strain to hold back sobs as he spoke was evident to you, and it tore you up inside, "MC, I can't be happy without you, none of us can. You… you're my best friend, one of the most important people in my life. You gave me my brother back, you gave me a reason to hope and feel happy again, and… and I know everyone in the RFA feels the same."

A new voice spoke up, Yoosung, his voice twisted with pain; you could see the look on his face in your mind, "He-he's right, MC! I couldn't imagine a world without you in it! You gave us all a reason to be happy again! How could the RFA continue without you?!"

"Ha!" you choked, your chest and throat tightening as you struggled to push words out, "The RFA was always fine without me, anyone could have done what I do. I'm not special and I never was, no one needs me. I'm not worth your tears or your thoughts. This… this is me. I'm not a happy person, I just, pretend to be, because it made everyone else happy. I don't deserve to have people care about me, so just… stop."

Seven's arms tightened around you as he lifted his head from your shoulder, waiting for you to lift your face to meet his gaze. You could see tears still streaming down his face as he spoke gently, "I refuse. MC, I refuse to stop caring about you, I always have and I always will, and I promise you that everyone else cares too. You've kept us together through everything, even if you were falling apart yourself. You deserve so much more than we've given you and I'm… I'm sorry that we weren't there for you. I didn't realize… I'm so sorry MC. Please let us be there now, let me be here for you, we can get through this. Please don't give up."

You felt your eyes burn as he finished, finally giving in and crushing him in an embrace to match his own, "I just wanted to make everyone happy… You all mean so much to me, but I couldn't even make everyone happy, S-Saeyoung! I'm broken! I c-couldn't make Zen happy and I can't make you happy. I'm no good… W-why would anyone want someone like me in their life?"

A small flash of anger flashed through his eyes, but was quickly replaced with warmth as he placed his forehead against your own, "Zen was an idiot… he hurt you, and you didn't deserve it, but you did make him happy... You make everyone who meets you happy, and he was stupid to throw that away, that doesn't mean everyone else would throw it away though. But your happiness matters too, MC, and I'd give anything to see you find it again. You fixed me when I was broken, and you helped everyone else too; give us a chance to help you."

"I… I don't know how to do that."

"Then we'll figure it out together, okay?"

"I… I-I'll try." Your voice was now a whisper, "Thank you for not giving up on me…"

"Of course," he kissed your forehead and buried his face in your shoulder once again, matching your tone, "I will always be here for you if you let me, and we'll figure this out."

In the background, Saeran grabbed Yoosung, still a blubbering mess, and started leading him to the car, stopping to whisper to you, "We'll wait in the car. Take your time, and, uh, you can talk to us when you're ready."

* * *

 **A/N: This is not the final chapter, I'm actually not sure how many chapters this is going to have yet, it took a whole new turn from where I originally intended. For those who don't know, snapping a rubber band is an alternative to self-harming. Not all issues have been resolved at this point, obviously, but I do plan on resolving them all at some point so if you like this story please look forward to more! When? I'm not sure, and I apologize, but I write when inspiration hits and I have no plans to drop this story at this time.**


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